Current Events are Leading to the Golden Age

Aug 4, 2021 | Newsletter | 0 comments


∞
   
 
♥   
 
♦    August 4,
2021    ♦ 
  

♥ 
  

∞

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  • Please – – DO NOT CLICK REPLY TO THIS
    NEWSLETTER


  • Current
    Events are Leading to the Golden Age
  • Fantastic
    – 
    General
    Michael Flynn on Telegram

  • Great Videos
    Show the Basis of Why Debt Elimination Works


  • Images you
    must see




  • Further
    Confirmation of the Pass-through
    Nature of the Natural Law Trust





  • Playback of Past
    Trust Webinar Classes

  • More
    i

    mages you must see
  • Safe
    and proven trade program pays 5% to 10% per month
  • Stopping
    Foreclosure – 
    New
    Weapons in Our Arsenal
    How
    to Have the Cosmos Working through You
    Impeccably


  • News
    from Around the World

    –

    VIEW
    100% OF THESE ITEMS AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR
    ANYONE TO STILL REMAIN IGNORANT!




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    AVAILABLE ~ variety of loan sources for
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  • Resources to Save – Index of Important Links


  • Humor
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Enjoy the
disclosures herein
and the
 links in
the 
News
Around the World 
section.
 



Current Events are
Leading to the Golden Age





Part 1
by Taansen
Fairmont

August 8, coming
up in a few days, is the annual time of the Lion’s
Gate, which is the auspicious time for opening or
expanding the gateways to wealth and prosperity.
Some are saying this year’s Lion’s Gate will be the
first Lion’s Gate of the Golden Age.

The converging
timelines on this Earth are in a phase transition
between the dark ages and a dawning Golden Age of
Enlightenment. The prophecies of the transition
being violent and cataclysmic have already been
fulfilled. Most of the worst has already happened.
There will be no further apocalypse except in the
personal lives of those who have chosen it.
Planetwide, various Avatars, Ascended Masters,
Saints, and other Enlightened Ones have already been
cognizing and providing all of the arrangements
necessary for the transition to be a relatively
smooth one.

The goal . . .
the end result . . . is going to be an inner glimpse
of Ultimate Reality by every form of life on this
planet IN THIS GENERATION. In the twinkling of an
eye, Cosmic Consciousness will have flashed within
every being. From that point on, all the solutions
for EVERY problem man has ever had, on all levels,
will be seen to be ALREADY HERE just waiting for us
to wake up and see them. Heaven on Earth will be
materialized very quickly after that.


Everyone Prosperous

It is
not necessary to suffer or labor over what will
happen to all the services in the marketplace if
everyone is suddenly financially independent. In the
first place, all the truly unnecessary jobs — jobs
that are not in alignment with the dawning Golden
Age — will not be missed when their workers simply
walk out.

Secondly, so much
Love and happiness will be spreading everywhere from
the newfound freedom people will have, that
tremendous waves of pent-up energy will explode and
will smoothly provide the solutions to any problems
that may arise.

Third, it will
take time for the prosperity to reach everyone. The
Glimpse of Infinity will be instantaneous worldwide,
like the Hundredth Monkey effect; but the material
benefits in 3D will take time to ripple out across
the cities and marketplaces of the world. It will
start overnight, but it can’t possibly reach
everyone overnight. It will take time, even in the
wealthiest “advanced” countries.

This will provide
time for arrangements for essential services to be
organized according to those who haven’t received
yet, those who have received but who enjoy their
work, those who need a healing and rejuvenation
holiday and then return to work when they are
regenerated, those who purely wish to volunteer out
of the kindness of their hearts, and other criteria.

Then there are
the poorest and most “primitive” economies, where
even money in the form of old-fashioned bank notes
isn’t very useful without clean running water,
electricity, and abundant organic food. For these
economies, armies of compassionate volunteers
already funded from wealthier nations will come in
to bring infrastructure projects to set up the
essentials of survival as quickly as possible using
the most state-of-the-art equipment
available.


Advanced Technologies

Fourth, what
defines “state-of-the-art” will very quickly
metamorphose from the caterpillar to the butterfly,
as the previously suppressed ET reverse-engineered
technologies are suddenly released and distributed.
The Tesla quantum energy generators directly from
the Unified Field, the Star Trek-like replicators,
the lead-into-gold alchemists, the Fountain of Youth
Elixir of Immortality alchemists (the true ones . .
. that unlike many Madison Avenue advertising hypes
claim, really are living up to those words), other
amazing and mind-blowing healing and nutritional
inventions, and all kinds of “miraculous” and
“magical” phenomena will come out.

These will
completely transform the marketplace, making most
previous forms of manufacturing quickly obsolete and
most previous jobs unnecessary and extinct. Yet
prosperity, in its truest forms of widespread
unprecedented superfoods, holy waters, superior
housing, self-cleaning clothing, unbounded free
energy, unlimited free and clean transportation,
unlimited free communication, unlimited free and
natural health care, and much much more, will
blanket the Earth. Progressively money itself will
become irrelevant and extinct. Working for mere
survival will become a thing of the
past.

All of the
wealth, all of the genius, all of the solutions, and
all of the wisdom to provide everything listed
above, and much more, are already here on this
planet in the hands of human beings, right now. The
Awakened Ones have withheld the most powerful of
these gifts until mankind has evolved enough to use
such powers safely and wisely. The rest of the
solutions, which could have been implemented at any
time, were either monopolized by the dark cabal and
hidden from the public; or they have been right in
front of us in the light of day, but we have been
too asleep to see them. The global inner awakening
is the Magic Touchstone which will illumine all the
other solutions. Once that has happened, everything
else will go fairly quickly and automatically.


Global Administration via Sovereignty
Consciousness

Government will
spontaneously reorganize itself into meritocracies .
. . where those in the highest states of
consciousness will not dominate, but will humbly
serve, after being earnestly sought out and
respectfully requested by the like-minded masses of
awakening populations. In the brighter Light of
global spiritual awakening, divisive politics of the
past will fade away, and will be spontaneously
replaced with voluntary harmony and enthusiastic
mutual assistance. Everyone will realize his or her
inner sovereignty, and no one will ever enslave or
dominate anyone else ever again. Instead, everyone
will automatically feel reverence for the freedom
and divinity of every other soul . . . and
administration will become increasingly glorious,
like symphonies of exquisite harmonies revealing the
Music of the Spheres.

As all of this
will automatically and spontaneously unfold from the
single mass glimpse of oneness, no one needs to
labor over “how will all of this be managed or
controlled”. It will NOT be controlled by any outer
force. It will be neither necessary nor possible to
control it outwardly. Like a powerful magnet under a
sheet of paper sprinkled with iron filings, the
phenomena of the world will spontaneously organize
into the most magnificent dances, orchestras, and
panoramas of coherence ever witnessed in the history
of this blue-green world. This world itself will
become enlightened, and will turn into a star,
joining the other permanent golden ages in the
awesome new home of the fifth dimension.

While the Sat
Yuga (Age of Enlightenment) is happening now
regardless of humanity’s use of free will, everyone
does have complete freedom in how to respond to it.
Those who choose not to go with it will be given
appropriate vibratory quarters elsewhere, but the
loving welcome of this new planetary field will be
so universally inviting and inwardly
non-threatening, that even most of those who worked
for darkness up until recently will change their
minds about it and choose to embrace the new
Light. 


(To
be continued in Part 2 next issue)

The
key to infinite
safety
,
unbounded
security
, the repulsion of all
harm
,
and
the attraction of all
good
, is
the daily experience of samadhi in deep meditation. More
information on how to experience this is available at
this link
. 

In
Fellowship and Cosmic
Communion, 
Yours,
Taansen Fairmont
Founder,
Brilliance in Commerce


Fantastic




General Michael Flynn
put the following out on Telegram





on July 14, 2021:
“The future is so much brighter than people can imagine.
Nothing about what we are going through is normal, and the
reason for that is this: We are on the precipice of a new
era. This is why you are experiencing so many challenges,
this is why you have been tested and trained. The cabal had
nearly unchallenged authority before this generation. All
that is changing, and we aren’t going back. Keep this in
mind whenever you struggle. These birth pains are not in
vain.”

And from
Telegram #528, July 31:
“Soon, at any moment a
turn of events will trigger the unbelievable. Our entire
government will be invalidated. Biden, Harris, Members of
Congress and The Supreme Court will be removed. Laugh if you
want. There will be a ‘temporary’ Coup d’état with new
elections, a new beginning.”

Americans:
GREAT
VIDEOS SHOW THE BASIS OF WHY LIBERTY DEBT ELIMINATION
WORKS

Please
watch and share these 5 videos below about how private banks
create the money they loan you WITH INTEREST attached out of
thin air, while you give blood, sweat, and tears money to
pay it back.  Yes, a new monetary system is coming, but
why wait?  Share this with those who are suffering NOW,
because solutions are available NOW.

 
     1.
 
 
The
American Dream Film by The Provocateur
Network

 
     2.
 
 Are You a Sleeping Debt Slave?  Legal
Fiction Deception

 
     3.
   All
Wars Are Bankers Wars

         4.   How
Credit Cards Become Asset Backed Bonds
         5.   No
Such Thing as a Bank Loan – Banks Do Not “Loan”
Money

ALL
OF THESE VIDEOS ARE AVAILABLE AT:

https://brillianceincommerce.com/videos


For Americans
with Credit Card Debt

 
And
Who Have Not Used BIC’s Liberty Debt Elimination
System
 
Be
Aware: It continues winning and remains undefeated for
everyone who completes its easy steps.



– – CLICK ON THE IMAGE
BELOW TO DOWNLOAD THE EBOOK – –





LDES 47-minute Video
– 





Full Introduction


Further Confirmation of the Pass-through Nature of the Natural
Law Trust

Article from Yale Law
Review

“The Secret Life of the
Trust: The Trust as an Instrument of Commerce”



Here
are some highlights from the article:

Page 175 –
“Congress has designed the transfer tax system to make use
of the so-called “bypass” or “credit shelter” trust all but
irresistible in estate planning for spouses with sufficient
means.”



Page 179 – “I
shall point to four key attributes of the trust device
that entice the transaction planner:

“(1) the protection of
beneficial interests in the event that the trustee
becomes insolvent;

“(2) the ease with which the
trust lends itself to favorable, conduit-type taxation;
(3) the protective regime of trust fiduciary law; and

“(4) the trust’s
flexibility of design in matters of governance and in
the structuring of beneficial
interests.”

Page 180 – “B.
Conduit Taxation. The trust form invites pass-through or
conduit taxation. The corporation as a juridical entity
has attracted entity-level taxation in the American
system of income taxation, resulting in double taxation
when the corporation’s shareholders are taxed again on
income they derive from corporate distributions. Because
we treat the trustee’s ownership of trust property as
merely nominal, with real ownership remaining in the
beneficiary, we have tended to tax trust proceeds at the
beneficiary level only. This ability to use the trust
form to avoid entity-level taxation has been a driving
force in the growth of commercial uses of the
trust.”

Page 189 –
“Although the trust resembles the corporation in
supplying for the particular venture a highly adaptable,
contract-like regime of rights, of fiduciary duties, and
of internal governance, the trust offers investors an
insolvency regime superior to that of corporate law,
packaged in a way that facilitates pass-through
taxation.”

So .
. . we have plenty of confirmation that trusts are
pass-through entities.


To read the
entire article, click HERE



Next
trust webinar with Randall Hillner, open to the
public – 
September
22, 2021 

Put it on Your
Calendar
Next Trust Study Group Webinar with
Dominique Hackett
(for BIC NLT trust clients
only) –  August
11, 2021





Playback
of June 16, 2021 Trust Webinar
 


June 16 Topic

 


– 

Duty
of Loyalty Part 2


If
You Wish to See Other Past Trust
Videos,

Click
on
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the entire menu

Playback
of Past Trust Study Group Classes

(for those who already
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These study group
classes are being posted in your customer account under
login at :




               
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Thus if you missed the
last one, or wish to see it again, you can see it there.


New Trust eBook
 
(Link
corrected since last posting on July 13)

The Natural Law Trust eBook now has
eight additional pages, and has had other sections revised,
improved, and updated.  The 2020 version has been
replaced by the 2021 version (7-10-21).  It is now
downloadable on the BIC website or by
clicking 
HERE.


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Safe and proven
trade program with 50K minimum entry pays 5% to 10% per
month




Deadline
to have all account forms submitted and bank wire received by
August 15 in order to still enjoy above rates for one year.
 After August 15, rates go down to 10% to 20% per
quarter. 


The program trades
in the same kinds of bank instruments that the large cap
programs trade in.


   
It pays 5% per
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500K.*




   
   
* After 8-15-21,
10% per quarter on amounts below 500K, and 20%
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    
Minimum entry 



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 or £50K
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. 


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Client funds
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buy/sell settlement process of various financial
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provides a high degree of safety.  






For further information,
click here. 


Stopping
Foreclosure and Verifying Real
Estate Claims

New
Weapons in Our Arsenal


While we at BIC have never
received any fees or income
for guiding clients in the
cancellation of secured
debts such as home
mortgages, we have continued
to refer interested parties
to Jim, a member of our
Legal Team, and his
associates. 







Some readers may be familiar
with Jim. He has also
provided valuable
information and educational
tools in defense of claims
made by debt collectors and
as defendants in court
cases. Jim has also assisted
students who have been
confronted with inaccurate
reporting by the credit
bureaus.

Jim recently wrote: 







 “Since 2010, I have
worked with several people
who were very good at
assisting people with
maintaining possession of
their property, however,
everyone I have worked with
did not ultimately
demonstrate they were
skilled and knowledgeable on
how to finally win and gain
title of their property.
Earlier last year, I
developed a relationship
with a few individuals who
have been very effective in
the areas of property rights
and other complex matters.
The mentors/teachers I now
work with boast that they
have never lost a Fair Debt
Collection Practices Act
case and also know how to
pursue damages for
additional claims such as
deprivation of rights, which
may be quite
significant. 







 “The problem most
everyday people have is
understanding a complex
financial and legal system
where they feel they no
longer have any rights.
However, creating a paper
trail and filing federal
lawsuits may be the only
effective option to reach
resolution of these
problems. My associates are
very good at assisting those
who sense there is something
dreadfully wrong with the
chain of title to their
property or have run already
the race and are in need of
a remedy. Their approach
involves exercising your
inalienable rights, and
demanding certain proof of
claims from the party or
parties attempting to change
title or unlawfully
foreclosure. When the party
pursuing a debt fails to
show any right to service or
collect the debt, debt
collectors commonly
disregard their requirements
under the FDCPA.
Consequently, more serious
damages are perpetrated
against the homeowner which
may be brought against the
debt collector. The key is
in drafting effective and
easy to understand
documents, and that is where
our mentors shine.







 “My role is simply to
screen the homeowner and set
up an initial interview with
mentors and coaches who will
evaluate the homeowner’s
current situation to
determine the urgency – –
whether they need to take
immediate action, or need to
do more work. I will also
assist the homeowner using
tools such as a Qualified
Written Request, a
Securitization Audit and/or
additional correspondence
demanding proof of the right
to collect or service the
debt/mortgage. Initial costs
are expected to range from
$2500 to $5000 depending on
what is needed for
foundation. I find that many
times, people have already
done some work on their own.
Depending on their
circumstances, I may need to
assist them with initial
correspondence, and
obtaining a chain of title
analysis or a Bloomberg
report. 







 “Our mentors work
directly with the
student/homeowner and may be
required to examine possibly
hundreds of documents before
preparing any documents.
Sometimes, this process may
be compared to finding a
needle in the haystack.
However, once found, these
valuable nuggets of
information become the
foundation for drafting
documents to protect the
property from unlawful debt
collection or foreclosure.
Each mentor charges $10,000
for their work. Their fees
include winning the property
title. They are also
incentivized upon winning
the pr



operty title for a fraction
of the property value. 







 “Thereafter, the
homeowner contracts with the
same parties for damages
based upon the fraud against
the homeowner. Depending on
the circumstances,
homeowners may receive a
substantial award. Any
damages awarded are split
25/75 with the Student
enjoying 25% of the damages
awarded. Treble Damages are
what is sought. These
damages include not only the
amount of money paid to ‘The
Wrong Party of Interest’
over the course of many
years ‘under mortgage’, but
also interest, and awards
for damages against the
homeowner.”







 If you would like more
information, or are
interested in scheduling an
initial conference call to
learn more, please contact
Jim at this
email address
.



How
to Have the Cosmos Working
through You Impeccably

Wisdom
from Richard Rudd



The
science underlying all
creation is sacred geometry.
The eternal truths contained
in sacred geometry unite all
human sciences, arts and
approaches to understanding
through either the left or
right brain. There is a
Cosmometry behind life that
choreographs all actions.
The closer you come to full
awakening, the more
harmoniously your life flows
with this cosmometry. When
you finally merge into the
ocean of consciousness, you
achieve complete oneness
with the Divine Cosmometry.
Everything you think, say or
do is no longer done by you
but by the whole. Therefore
it is done impeccably. The
real difference
between



 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  the Siddhi and
the Shadow is
the 

complete



 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  absence of
fear — which is the
absence
of 




 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
 
self-identification.


Excerpt
from

The
Gene Keys
Book



Ace Credit Restoration



Guarantees removal of at least 80% of the
negatives from one’s credit report within 90 days. They often
achieve 100%, including foreclosures and bankruptcies. (Ace
Credit Restoration was formerly referred to in these newsletters
as “Anthony Gaalaas Credit Repair”).

Our BIC associate
Anthony Gaalaas, founder of Ace Credit Restoration, has new
techniques for wiping negatives off your credit report – –
techniques that have exponentially accelerated the speed and
effectiveness of cleaning up credit reports. Mr. Gaalaas has
already been our favorite credit repair professional, due to his
high integrity, low prices, accessibility, responsiveness,
excellence in communication, and generous customer service. And
his techniques all along have been reasonably good. But now with
his new methods, we have a breakthrough in the power and potency
of credit wipe effectiveness. For more information, see his website.


CLICK ON THE COLORED
TITLES TO OPEN THEM


We challenge anyone to
view all these videos and read all these articles 


and still remain in the
dark!


United
Airlines to purchase 100 electric planes from Heart
Aerospace. The investment is part of United’s goal
to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions 100% by
2050
. 

Predictions: Vaxxxidents, Dark Agenda, Chaos,
Biden Admin Collapse – Clif High
 

In Athens,
thousands rally against COVID-19
vaccination
 

Clashes in Paris as protesters march
over mandatory Covid jabs
 

Dr. David
Martin & Dr. Reiner Talk Mind Blowing
Facts!
 

California just agreed to send up to
$1,000 monthly checks to residents in nation’s first
guaranteed income program
(Beware of hidden
traps)

Benjamin
Fulford newsletter July 19 – It’s Rome vs Babylon as
Undeclared Western Civil War Reaches
Crescendo
 

Sources in Western intelligence,
including MI6, the P3 Freemasons, and Mossad tell us
they are waiting for court cases to prove the
pandemic is a war crime before taking full military
action against the Cabal. They say they support the
various legal actions being taken by Reiner
Fuellmich and his colleagues around the world
against the pandemic and vaccine
pushers.
 

In the
testimony at the link above Dr. Fuellmich says that
if you told him a year ago that a small cabal wanted
to kill a huge portion of humanity and enslave the
rest, he would have suggested you need to go to a
mental hospital. Now, having obtained testimony from
hundreds of experts in various fields, he can and is
proving in courts of law that this is exactly what
has been happening.

Freedom Day was declared in the UK on
July 19th as all restrictions related to the fake
pandemic were lifted.
 

Malaysia
Destroys 1,000 Bitcoin Mining Rigs with a
Steamroller
 

French
Police Lay Down Shields Join 100,000 Protesters
Marching Against Vaccine
Passport
 

[DS] Trapped, All Assets Deployed, We Are Witnessing The
Destruction Of The Old Guard – X22 Report Ep.
2531b
 

At the
Senate Health Committee hearing, Senator Rand Paul
and Dr. Anthony Fauci engaged in a fiery clash in
which both men accused the other

… 

This is an amazing website that has it
together ~ the relevant & truthful information we
need to know! This concerns the evil cabal, fake covid
& fake covid vaxxs, the fake stream media, the truth
about our military & the white hat alliance. etc. ~
etc. ~ etc. It is an extremely well documented,
user-friendly website to share the truths with
friends/relatives/neighbors “who need to wake up to the
present war against humanity and what to do about it.
Please check it out & please share with so many who
are ignorant/asleep! No more time to wait around &
pretend everything is ok!    https://www.stopworldcontrol.com

Powerful class action lawsuit filed
against Fauci et al – It is all-encompassing, and
awesome. Actual civil complaint court document at
this link 

Docket for
the above-mentioned case
 

Verum Bellator on Twitter: AUSTRALIAN
POLICE BLOW WHISTLE ON CV-19
FRAUD
 

A massive
backlash against the draconian covid-19 lockdowns,
vaccines and travel restrictions is exploding across
the world including in the nations of France, Italy,
Australia and the U.S., among many others.

“Vaccine Passports” and Your Rights,
by Mark Nestmann
 

X22 Report –
Ep. 2538b – Communication Black Out Has Begun, Red
Lines Crossed, Special Ops Activated. The [DS] is
now getting ready to cross red line 2, communication
blackout. Audit accounts have been terminated on
certain social media platforms; this will continue
until the [DS] has no alternative but to do a total
communication blackout. Most likely the [DS] will
shut down all communications when the classified
information begins to be declassified. During this
time, they will stage fake riots to convince the
public that the Trump supporters are angry because
the plan is not working. During this time the
military will be sent to various location but the
[DS] in the end will not be in control of the
troops. Special operations will be activated to shut
down the riots and to take control of the
government. The [DS] will be trapped in the biggest
sting operation the world has ever
seen.
 

Big
Pharma is Toast

Former
Pfizer employee confirms from insider documents
deadly poison graphene oxide in GMO injections
activated by intense electromagnetic radiation –
July 29, 2021
 

Secretary General of Human Rights
Security Council Lodges Criminal Complaint Against
Vaccine Syndicate
 

Hilarious – How to speak Bidenese
 

Sananda & Shekinah – “The Gates
of Abundance Have Opened…” – Lion’s Gate August 8
and invitation to register for online program to
manifest wealth in your personal life.
 


FUNDS AVAILABLE

(USA
ONLY) – FOR PERSONAL INJURY VICTIMS AFFECTED BY THE SO-CALLED
COVID “PANDEMIC” (INCLUDING FINANCIAL INJURY), COURT CASE
LITIGANTS, DOCTOR’S OFFICES, LAWYER’S OFFICES, BUSINESSES, ANY
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL, NON-RECOURSE LOANS, MEDICAL RECEIVABLES,
EQUIPMENT LEASE PURCHASE, AND MUCH MORE. 


Resources to Save


 
Index
of Important Links for Easy Reference 
(in
alphabetical order)

*
Note: If you already have a referral affiliate for any of
these programs, use their link instead)

 

Ace Credit
Restoration

BIC
Customer Relations – click here to submit a Help Desk
Ticket
 

* 
BIC Liberty Debt
Elimination System introductory eBook
–  FREE at your referring affiliate’s
link

* 
BIC Liberty
Debt Elimination System – to purchase – use the link
of the affiliate who referred you


BIC
Newsletter – to subscribe


BIC
private banking webinar – playback of February 27,
2018

BIC
Trust advanced educational books – “Passing the
Buck”
 – (or
on Amazon
)

BIC
Trust advanced educational newsletter – “Passing
Bucks”

* BIC Trust
introductory eBook – For Sale 
at this
Amazon link
 (or FREE at
your referring affiliate’s link)

BIC
videos – main menu

* BIC
Trust – to purchase – use the link of the affiliate who
referred you

BIC’s
Debt Elimination System featured on Mark Emery’s “Beat
the Bankers” show – 2-19-18





Safe
and proven trade program with 50K minimum entry pays 5%
to 10% per month


(See
the additional resources, menus, and links at the top of
the 
BIC
home page
)

 


HAVE YOU SEEN THE
PREVIOUS ISSUES OF THE BIC NEWSLETTER?


Subscribe
to the Brilliance in Commerce Newsletter
Published
by La Vérité

 

If
you received this newsletter as a forward from a friend,
please subscribe at:


 to
receive future issues.

I
honor the place in you that is the same in me. 


I
honor the place in you where the whole universe
resides. 

I
honor the place in you of love, of light, of peace, and of
truth.

I
honor the place in you that is the same in me. 

There
is but one. Namaste.


Lexophiles

 

“Lexophile” describes
those that have a love for words, such as
“
you can
tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish
“, and “To write with a
broken pencil is pointless.
” An annual
competition is held by the New York Times to see who
can create the best original lexophile. This year’s
submissions:


 

+ I changed my
iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.


 

+ England has no
kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 


 

+ Haunted French
pancakes give me the crepes. 


 

+ This girl today
said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but
I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore. 


 

+ I know a guy
who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he
can stop any time.


 

+ A thief who stole
a calendar got twelve months. 


 

+ When the smog
lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 


 

+ I got some
batteries that were given out free of charge. 


 

+ A dentist and a
manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 


 

+ A will is a dead
giveaway. 


 

+ With her
marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 


 

+ Police were
summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest. 


 

+ Did you hear
about the fellow whose entire left side was cut
off?  He’s all right now. 


 

+ A bicycle can’t
stand alone; it’s just two tired.


 

+ The guy who fell
onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully
recovered. 


 

+ He had a
photographic memory, but it was never fully
developed. 


 

+ When she saw her
first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye. 


 

+ Acupuncture is a
jab well done.  That’s the point of it. 


 

+ I didn’t like my
beard at first.  Then it grew on me. 


 

+ Did you hear
about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn’t control her pupils? 


 

+ When you get a
bladder infection, urine trouble. 


 

+ When chemists
die, they barium. 


 

+ I stayed up all
night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on
me. 


 

+ I’m reading a
book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it
down.



H U M O R   O F
  T H E   D A Y





DISORDER IN THE COURT
 
These
are from a book called Disorder in the
Court
, and are things people actually said
in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters, who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place. 

 
 Q: What is
your date of birth?

 A: July
fifteenth.

 Q: What
year?

 A: Every
year.

 
 
Q:
What gear were you in at the moment of
impact?
 A: Gucci sweats and
Reeboks.

 
 Q:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And
in what ways does it affect your
memory?
 A: I forget.
 Q: You
forget? Can you give us an example of something
that you’ve
forgotten?
 

 Q:
What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
 A: He said,
“Where am I, Cathy?”
 Q: And why did that
upset you?
 A: My name is
Susan.

 
 Q:
Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it
until the next
morning?
 

Q:
The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?

 
 Q: Were you
present when your picture was
taken?

 
 
Q:
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And what were you
doing at that time?
 

 Q: She had
three children, right?

 A:
Yes.

 Q: How many
were boys?

 A:
None.

 Q: Were
there any girls?

 
 
Q:
How was your first marriage terminated?
 A:
By death.
 Q: And by whose death was it
terminated?

 
 Q: Doctor,
how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

 A: All of
my autopsies are performed on dead
people.

 
 
Q:
All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
 A:
Oral.

 
 Q:
Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
 A: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
 Q: And Mr. Dennington was
dead at the time?
 A: No, he was sitting
on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.


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